No child needs to be disciplined by having a gun held to their head. Having to sit in the ditch next to a highway is not a safe place for time out as your mother gets through a hangover. Lit cigarettes should never be used on the bare skin of anyone for punishment. Ever hear of a parent heating a belt buckle to sear their child? Subjecting a little girl to the hands of men just so that the parent can play with the same man a little while longer is disgusting. How can a mom ignore the fact that their little girl is being violated by men and walk away...even into the same man's bedroom seems so unforgivable. It all seems so unforgivable.
I turned my back with my arms closed and rejected all possibility of regaining respect for parents, men, authority, myself and God. Satan doesn’t care how we react to the sinfulness of any abuse including sexual abuse . . . as long as we don’t turn TO Jesus. I did exactly what Satan wanted. As an adult I continued to find my value in bedrooms. I drank. I accepted abuse in my marriage. I became mutilated by self and by others. Self esteem was low and suicide planning kicked in over time.
The enemy knows when we find our identity, security, and dignity in Christ, we can live in victory.
Victory? What was that? For all I could see, Satan had held me in his hands and was dancing the victory chant over me. I had my part in this. When things were out of my control, it was one thing...but what about the other part, when the choice was mine? I had to make a choice.
I sobbed in my pillow when I just couldn't look at myself in the mirror any longer. My life was ugly and so was the reflection that I wanted to spit on. I was tired of being hurt, mad, sad, disgusted, ashamed, hurt and angry at myself and God.
My everyday life had to change. I crashed to the floor and cried out to God. I purposely had to let God handle all my emotions. I had to stop running from Him in anger but toward Him. The intent of the evil one was to be against me and to create distance between me and God. My intent was to return to Him and let God embrace my hurting soul.
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I am healing from the past and live with peace and joy in the present. I continuously pray that God will help me find the way to set boundaries in my thinking, letting go of the past, forgiving myself and others and move forward in peace through Him. '
Daily progress is being made. Each day I am filled with His Spirit. Ugly is being replaced by the beauty of forgiveness. I know God is holding my hand and healing that inner child. The adult sees through God's eyes now and Satan turns his head. There is no room for him where Jesus is.
Healing came when I made a deliberate willing choice to put away things of the past and look forward to the now and the future in Him. I accepted in my heart that Jesus knows each pain I went through. He took it to the cross. He is aware of my feelings. He is aware of my growth. Papa God shares with me every good promise of healing and victory in Him.
I no longer have to hold onto the pains of this world but I embrace the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Are you hurting? Are you absorbed in things of the world. Is the child in you feeling rejected and holding onto bitter hurt? You no longer have to stay in Satan's abuse. Let me encourage you to turn away from what Satan chants and sing victory in Jesus. No need to keep feeling trapped and empty when you can be free and filled in Him.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10, NIV)
Mary Edwards is a writer, speaker and photographer. She is a member of the Encourager's Christian Writer Group and a 2013 graduate of Christian Communicators. Mary owns Photo's By M.E. Where she combines both her writing and her love for photography. You can find submissions of her blog at www.writeblessings.blogspot.com and contact her at: wordsbyLOU@yahoo.com